business development, craft, fundraising industry

The 7 People You Meet While Networking; and Why You’ll Only Work With 1 of Them

There’s a phrase I’ve heard a few times:

You’ll only work with people you know, like, and trust.

And after a year of freelancing and building my brand and business, I’m fully convinced of the truth of that statement. Since I’ve been on my own, I’ve met quite a few people. And I’m not working with them all. Nor should I.

This article will explain the 7 different people you meet while networking and demonstrate why they’re not right for you. Whether you want to work with someone is all based on combinations of knowing, liking, and trusting them.

1. People you KNOW, but don’t LIKE or TRUST.

It’s easy to meet people. Walk up to them, stick out a hand, and say, “Hi, I’m Stephan.” Have a 3-minute conversation, and you’ll know someone.

But you might not like them, or trust them. You might not like their business – perhaps they recycle old tired into playground cover material, and you are adamant that those old tires should be burnt. And you might not trust them, either, to do what they say they’re going to do. Perhaps that’s because you saw a LinkedIn endorsement that says “Hey, K. is a fabulous real estate agent,” and one from just a month before that says “K. Is the most awesome kindergarten teacher in the county.” If you see that, do you trust that K. is now going to be dedicated to your cause of IT recruiting?

Who knows, which is why K. is someone you might not trust. And so you’re not going to work with her. She’s just as likely to come in tomorrow as to leave you high and dry. And you can’t afford downtime like that.

2. People you LIKE, but don’t KNOW or TRUST

This category is for people in the public eye who align with your goals, but you don’t know them personally. YouTube stars, television celebrities, paid endorsers of one kind or another. Even local celebrities of one kind or another. Or to put it more blunt: “St. Louis Famous.” They might champion causes you agree with. You might know these [Your City Here] Famous people, but you probably won’t agree to do business with them. If they were to approach you with an opportunity, you’d politely decline.

Why? Because you don’t know them or trust them. You don’t know them because it’s hard to get to know them. It’s hard to understand whether these people really like you, too, or if it’s an act. They’re pretty good at the act, which is usually how they got to be however famous they are, and because of that it will take a longer time to get there.

3. People you TRUST, but don’t KNOW or LIKE

These are, again, people with reputations, but not the kind you want to be associated with. In the political world, they might be the Koch Brothers (on the right) or labor unions (on the left). The point is, you TRUST them to live out certain values, but you don’t like what values they espouse. So why would you want to do business with them?

More personally, this might be people you meet who just rub you the wrong way. Maybe you hear about them from another in your networking group. Maybe you read an article they’re featured in and decide, “Yeah, not worth my time.” However you learn about them, it’s clear you’re not going to be seeking them out.

So that’s all the people who only fit one category. What about those who fit 2?

4. People you KNOW and LIKE, but don’t TRUST

This is your lazy friend from high school. You know, the one who’s always promising to pay you back next Tuesday for a hamburger today. [Somebody get that reference!] When you see these people, you like them. You’ve hung out with them. You’ve joked around and kidded with them.

But, in the end, you realize that they’re just not going to follow through on what they said. They’ll promise one thing and fail to deliver. Then they’ll try to convince you that it wasn’t their fault, that something else got in the way, and that you should give them just one more chance. Please! They’re good for it.

And if you agree, they’ll fail you once more. For going against what you know you should do, you deserve that one.

5. People you KNOW and LIKE, but don’t TRUST

So who falls into this category? These are the people who have parallel non-business interests as you. They could be intelligent, well-read, travel in the same social circles as you do, and have similar hobbies. It wouldn’t be surprising to find many in this world like that. So what’s the problem?

Mostly it’s people who have different goals than you do. They might be trying to build your next new competitor. Or they might be trying to take down one of your current business partners. Perhaps they just got a new contract that’s going to squeeze your supply chain and potentially put you out of business. Not a good fit.

The fact that their goals don’t align with yours mean that you can’t trust them to do business together. They might say that they would be able to handle a conflict of interest, but when it comes down to it, we’re all going to look out for ourselves. We might say we’d act independently. In reality, though, we’re more likely to perform in ways which further our own vested self-interest. Same goes for them. Steer clear.

6. People you LIKE and TRUST, but don’t KNOW

These are the celebrities (local, regional, national, or international names) who are perfect for you. They align with your brand, your goals, and your ways of doing business.

The only problem is that you can’t talk to them. You don’t know them! You want to, and you want to be able to have that relationship. So you send a dozen e-mails one week, and call every day the next, and even blog about your future perfect partnership, calling them out and tagging on every social media platform. But you just can’t get any traction.

Because to them, you’re just another face in the crowd. You’ll need some way to stand out. And until you do, until you have that one-on-one connection, probably from someone who already knows the two of you and can bring you together, it’s going to remain just a dream.

And that brings us to your ideal business partner:

7. People you KNOW, LIKE, and TRUST

It’s been said before, and it will be said again, but these are your ideal business or referral partners. These are the people who are aligned with you, your goals, and the way you do business.

And it doesn’t even mean they’ll be your clients, or vice versa. These could be referral partners who know you, know your business, and what you’re trying to do. They could be simply advocates for you, and provide you a good little testimonial or endorsement. They could write you a LinkedIn recommendation. [I just did that today! Three months late, but who’s counting?] There’s lots of different ways to maximize this relationship.

The point is, you’ll have lots of connections. You might not be able to immediately figure out which category people will fall into when you first meet them. Give it time. Don’t rush it, because mistakes could hurt your bottom line and your reputation. But when you find those that you know, like, and trust, you’ll both be better off for it.

In Conclusion

You’ll run across many of these 7 people when you’re out building a business, no matter what that business is, and no matter whether that business is for-profit or not-for-profit. You’ll even meet these people in your personal relationships, or you might find them in a governing body like your city council. You’ll meet all of them at one point or another, and eventually you’ll see that they’re not all wrong.

They’re just not all right.

craft, fundraising industry

Knowing Your Enemy

Today’s entry was inspired by Kristina Leroux’s post, Writing Assignment: Knowing Your Enemy, on the Nonprofit Marketing Guide blog. She challenged the reader to personify the enemy, whether that enemy is homelessness, apathy, greed, sloth, or something else. During an AFP event a few weeks ago I heard from Jim Schallom at Sherwood Forest that the enemy for fundraisers is “Starbucks”, or the general consumerist mindset. That’s been on my mind, and this challenge completely integrated my fundraising and fiction writing minds.

So here it is:

Dee Dee versus The StarBuck

In the still morning light, before the armies massed at the opposite edges of the valley slopes are fully awake, Edie and Dee Dee walk carefully along a dew-covered path. “I know you’re scared, Dee Dee”, says Edie. “But I believe in you. You’ve been preparing for this moment a long time.” She grasps Dee Dee’s shoulder, and the connection immediately encourages Dee Dee’s troubled heart.

“Yes,” she admits. She doesn’t want to fear, she trusts her training, and she knows that she is on the good side in this fight. But the idea of her upcoming battle with The StarBuck, their nemesis, the bane of their existence, looms large in her mind. She stoops down to the path and gathers a handful of pebbles, dumping them into her supply sack at her waist. Still… “Yes, I’m scared. I know how important this is to all of us.”

“I believe in you,” Edie says. “I wouldn’t have trusted you with such responsibility otherwise.” Dee Dee knows she is telling the truth, and yet the challenge still brings butterflies to her stomach.

Their brief walk returns Edie and Dee Dee to their army’s campsite. Tents fill the small plain in haphazard clumps; volunteers, advocates, and employees alike wander throughout, preparing for the day. A buzz of conversation rises over the morning cookfires, and any who see them give a smile. Today is the day. It is the start of the Annual Campaign. And for the first time Dee Dee, instead of Edie, is to lead the charge.

Across the valley the enemy waits. They go by many names and nicknames, but the most common is “The Something Betters”. That is, everyone over there always has something better to do with their time, their money, their advocacy, than to give it to this side over here, where there is good to be done. Something better like a phone upgrade. Something better like a new automobile lease. Something better like an extra manicure this month, because, well, reasons.

Edie and Dee Dee, though, lead the army fighting the battle to save local homeless animals, to provide them places to live and to provide loving companions for their human partners. They work to make all lives better in the community, not just provide a little more entertainment. And it is sometimes disappointing to see how little progress gets made.

Because so many of the surrounding villagers just don’t know what’s happening. They don’t know of this battle waged here, in this Valley of Public Opinion, to keep the shelters open. They don’t know how the battle is fought for the division of wallets and attention, every day, every week, ever month, every year. They of course have time to keep up with all about the latest government scandals, they know what’s happening half a continent away in the fashion capital of the world, and yet so much opportunity is missed here at home to make a better life with such a small effort. Edie and Dee Dee and their army fight, every day, against the Something Betters, in order to bring about that satisfying community that everyone so deserves.

Today Dee Dee will meet The StarBuck, at noon, in the middle of the plain, to do battle, to fight, to compete for the attention of the world. Should she triumph, her shelter will have earned yet another temporary reprieve. Temporary, for there will always be another Something Better coming along to take its place, and the fight will wage on. Should she fail… Well, that is an option too tragic to consider.

The sun beats hard on the plain as the two armies begin their descent. Dee Dee leads her pack, Edie follows at the rear. Across the way, she can see that The StarBuck, her rival, leading a similar army. She gathers her nerve; this is most important. All those behind her are counting on her to deliver.

They approach, these massed brigades, to support their avatars in this battle. They know that their future, too, hinges on the success or failure of the two who represent them. They stop and wait, in silent anticipation, tension building as Dee Dee and The StarBuck approach one another.

The StarBuck is large, three feet taller than Dee Dee at least. His stout body and broad shoulders bear leather armor destined to rebut the slights of opinion arrows pointed at him. Everyone knows his reputation, too, as a thief, arms snatching coins from unsuspecting consumers with a little drip here, a little dab there, insidiously expanding his effect every day. His armor is decorated with hundreds, perhaps a thousand, shiny baubles proclaiming themselves the Newest! Cheapest! Fastest! Best! He attracts his prey, and they come close, close enough for him to rob their pockets while they are distracted, and after he leaves them wondering just where all their money went.

Dee Dee is armed, though, with her weapons of choice. The stones in her sack represent all her tools, all her little tricks she has picked up along the years. She knows she will not convince The StarBuck to retreat with words, so she remains silent while he shouts.

“Ha ha, little one!” His voice rings out over the masses. “You have nothing. Nothing! What do you give them?” He sweeps an arm to indicate the whole world. “Better? Faster? Tastier? No! Not even a guarantee. You give them nothing! You should walk away now, before we destroy you forever.” He sneers, and Dee Dee can see the bright white of his teeth, many shades whiter than normal, only available through the latest and greatest bleaching technique. He reaches into his pack and pulls out a mug, tossing it across the space to her. It bounces and spills, double-mocha extra whip foaming across the grass. “Here,” he says, “drown your sorrows in that and be gone.”

Dee Dee stares at the pointless waste, and says nothing. Instead, she reaches into her sack and takes out a stone. On it are etched the words “Direct Mail Campaign: 345 adoptions last year”. She places the stone into her sling, winds, and fires, the missile aiming directly for The StarBuck’s exposed head. It strikes him on the chin and rocks him backwards. The next says “Case Study: How We Educated 912 With FREE Classes”, and it connects with his temple. The StarBuck is wounded, dizzy, staggering. She loads up yet another.

“E-mail follow-up: Partnerships with hundreds of businesses and thousands of volunteers” flies across the space, strikes the StarBuck at the cheek, and spins him around. He staggers but does not fall. His strength and resilience are evident. Dee Dee has one last chance. She takes out the largest, heaviest stone from her bag. On it is written “Matching Gifts”, and she loads it into her sling. She feels the weight, the power, the importance of this moment. Her arm winds up; she releases just as The StarBuck turns to face her once more.

The stone arcs towards him, in silent slow motion as the massed crowds wait breathless, and as it strikes him between the eyes he rocks back, back, back, until the only sound is a loud crash as The StarBuck hits the ground.

Nobody moves.

And then, from behind her, a cheer erupts, as her dedicated soldiers watch the Something Betters launch into disarray and scatter. They flee at the loss of their leader; they run back to their hiding holes in the discount marts and strip malls and e-tailers. Dee Dee has won the day; she and the army have saved the shelter for another year.

Edie appears beside Dee Dee and gives her another hug. “Well done,” she says, “I knew you would do it,” and Dee Dee floats on the emotional high of the moment, feeling hundreds of hands pressing in to congratulate her too. Her smile overwhelms her, and she cannot turn it off. Why should she? The Annual Campaign is a success, and for one more year there will be contentment in the village.

THE END

(FOR NOW)

craft, Writing improvement

Prove Yourself Without Saying A Word

The following quote is a fantastic guide for anyone in sales, persuasion, or attempting to change another’s mind. It comes from one of the most successful books of all time, about one of the most important topics we all encounter daily.

“If you are going to prove anything, don’t let anybody know it. Do it so subtly, so adroitly, that no one will feel that you are doing it.”

Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People

And I have nothing more to say. I’m just going to let that one sit. Far be it from me to expand on an idea that’s much older than I am, one that has helped a countless number of people to be more successful on their journey through life. Just do what Mr. Carnegie says, and you’ll be well rewarded.

So, then, why do I choose to write about it? As soon as I read it I wanted examples of this principle in action. When I browsed through the library of my mind, I found two that illustrate this quite well. And they’re entertaining too. Allow me to share so that you might learn and be inspired to apply this idea in your own life.

 

Example 1

First, let’s consider a segment of text. This is from L. Ron Hubbard’s story The Devil’s Rescue:

The main cabin was ornate with carved blackwood furniture, glowing silks and oriental carpets. Along the bulkheads to either side were rows of chests, camphor and ivory and teak, from which drooled the luster of pearls or gaped a little over a load of dull gold coins. The ports were twenty feet athwartship and full seven feet tall, all of cunningly set glass to make compasses and tritons and sea horses; through this, trailing far behind them, glowed their frothing wake, leading off into the gray dark and the shrieking wind.

The Devil’s Rescue, reprinted in Writers of the Future, vol 33

In this example, you can feel the knowledge that Hubbard has about life aboard a ship. He’s been there, he’s studied, he has the intimacy necessary to make you believe that you are aboard the The Flying Dutchman. But why is this important?

Because the author must establish the credibility of the narrator, in order for him to be believable enough that the reader enjoys reading and participates fully in the experience. If, for example, an amateur [such as yours truly] who had done the barest amount of research [or, more likely, none at all, attempting to fudge it with whatever is already in his head] about the internal decorations and workings of a pirate ship, were to write that same paragraph, it might come across like this:

The main cabin held elegant furniture, darkly-colored and well-formed. Rugs covered the floor, dulling the sound as the men walked. He dragged his hand across the sculpted walls, feeling under his fingers the rough differences between the carved wood of storage boxes, sculpted brass of drawer handles, or formed glass of the lamps lighting their way. Behind them, he could glance out the portholes, just at the height of his eyes, to the trailing wake, glowing in the dim moonlight.

Now, which of those sounds more believable? Which author has convinced you of his authority? Which one has proven that he knows enough about a sailor’s life to make it worth your while to read further? Hands down, it’s Hubbard. He has taken the Carnegie principle to the extreme: he has shown his competence, rather than blatantly beating you over the head with facts about how many books he’s read or how many interviews he’s conducted. And therefore you, as a reader, are more likely to believe him, accept him, and actually finish the story.

Nowhere in the story does Hubbard tell of his expertise. Nowhere does he come out and say, “this man knows such and such because of years aboard a ship”. He doesn’t have to. He’s shown that, subtly and adroitly, by his extremely competent narrative.

 

Example 2

The following is a humorous scene from Tommy Boy, in which main character Tommy Callahan finally succeeds in making his first sale. How? By demonstrating that his company is an authority, not because of the physical qualities of the parts they make, but by proving, quietly, that Callahan Auto actually meets his client’s unspoken needs:

And what are his needs? Not more brake pads. Not more inventory on a shelf. Not more stock to track and invoices to pay and deliveries to coordinate. The client already has plenty of those. That warehouse is full of stuff. No, what his customer needs is peace of mind. And Tommy tried that. In a sense, he said, “Well, sure, you’ll have peace of mind if you buy from us. I guarantee it!” Does that make the sale? Doubtful. It’s too direct and turns your customer off. The client completely rejected this approach in the first minute of the scene.

Notice what happens when Tommy switches tactics from the hard sell. Instead of pressing the point, he pivots to a more subtle method, and his client softens. His fear of “being sold” dissipates, and he opens up to the possibility of buying from Callahan Auto. When he does, he can see that his needs can actually be met, and he is no longer afraid of losing. Instead, he’s winning! He’s getting the emotional connection, the security and peace of mind he’s searching for. Tommy was able to make this point by, ironically, not making explicit statements to that effect. On the contrary, he spoke in a friendly manner, and allowed his expertise to come through in less obvious ways.

 

Conclusion

The next time you’re struggling to prove yourself as an expert, take a step back. Instead of becoming more belligerent and overbearing with facts of your qualification, consider a softer approach. Demonstrate your competence by producing quality work, rather than just talking about how you will produce quality work.